So, at the age of 49, how did I end up needing to flout the family maxim and “write it all down”? The last couple of years have been a little complicated – filled with change and reevaluation, pain and happiness. As it turns out, I have managed to accumulate confusion, anger, joy, sadness, and just about every other emotion so quickly that I have not been able to process them. More than once in the last few months, I have been tempted to throw a few things in a bag and run away because I just don’t know what to do with the way I am feeling. In my head, I have created boxes that I have filled up with all of the stuff that confuses me and then cinched them down tight – unfortunately the boxes are so full that I can’t keep the lids on them, even with a fairly strong anti-depressant wandering around in my system. Hence the need to purge by writing it all down.
Right now I have 4 boxes filled with stuff: Box # 1 Marriage, Box # 2 Work, Box # 3 Health, and Box # 4 Family & Friends. My first realization regarding my emotions is that I cannot keep the lids on the boxes because the contents move back and forth repeatedly, and there is not a single box big enough to hold everything in one big roiling mess!