Panic, Delusions, and John Edwards

I had to fetch J out of the woods.  He was very obviously freaked out, but calmed down when I repeated the content of the phone conversation. His entire demeanor changed – in fact, a weight visibly lifted off of his shoulders. It seemed as if the fact that she had not gone off the deep end and harmed herself or become hysterical with me on the phone greatly relieved him. Again, after talking, I felt closer to him than ever and as if we were actually moving forward. I felt  she was out of our lives, and since J seemed to feel so much relief and a certain amount of disgust, it seemed like we were moving forward in a way that would not have a lot of setbacks. This feeling didn’t even last a full day.

When I got up on Friday morning, I was feeling fairly secure until I opened Facebook I checked Facebook, and the HS friend had reposted THE picture, the one that had started the whole mess because the four guys in the picture were meeting for a three day camping trip at at a nearby lake that they had been planning since January. The picture itself would have been fine, but S immediately posted a comment about how much she loved that picture, and how she thought it was unfair that she was not invited too, that she loved the lake and would like to reunite with the guys again. At some level my world fell apart again. I felt like a sense of shame or at least a little sensitivity would have made her realize that she should also avoid anything that could be construed as contact. I think that what upset me the most was that it seemed to indicate that she still does not believe that she did anything wrong.

My day really went down hill after that, since CNN was full of excerpts from Oprah’s interview with John Edward’s mistress, with whom he slept with while his wife was battling breast cancer. It was a little too close to home and upset me, and then talk radio was full of excerpts from the same interview while I was driving to work, as were all of the online news outlets once I got there. The woman sounded completely delusional, saying that she was the love of Edward’s life and that he had intended to marry her as soon as it wouldn’t affect his career. By the time I settled in at work, I was in a full blown funk – and I realized that it was because what Edward’s mistress was saying sounded so much like some of the things that the OW had said to me and the proprietary attitude that she had shown on Facebook. She really thought J was going to leave me and marry her, that his marriage to me was over and that she and he had many things in common. Either he lied to her or he said things to her that he really meant. Either way, he was still lying to me. J was leaving town, so I couldn’t really talk to him, and I had meetings so I didn’t have time to think about it until late afternoon.

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