Hard Truths

I really wanted her to leave us alone, to understand that her relationship with M was over, so I sent her another message, hoping to break through the bubble of her delusion.


Since I talked to you the other day, I have been attempting to process the things you said to me. It quickly became apparent that you have no idea who M really is.

He is an extremely liberal Democrat who occasionally gets off the reservation and votes as an independent, as he did when he voted for Kinky Friedman. He despised George Bush and worked for the election of President Obama and is extremely proud to say that he voted for him. He, unlike you, was politically active during high school – protesting against Nixon, involved in the anti-war movement, supported integration, etc.

He is spiritual, but not religious. He does not believe in the literal truth of the Bible. He does not attend church since he finds most organized religion to be filled with hypocrisy. He believes that Christianity is not the only path to God, and he supports tolerance of all religions. He also holds extremely liberal social values – supporting a woman’s freedom to choose, the right of gays and lesbians to marry and adopt children, and the legalization of marijuana. He is a scientist who supports very strongly the theory of evolution and does not believe creationism has any validity at all. He is an environmentalist who is opposed to drilling or building that does environmental or cultural damage. 

His first love was not you. She was a beautiful blond girl named Yvonne from Oklahoma, followed by a long list of other beautiful blond girls, ending with me, and I have either met or seen pictures or heard stories about most of them either from him, his family, or from his high school friends, many of whom I have known for as long as I have known M. None of them have ever been shy about telling stories intended to stir up trouble or to poke at him, and you did not even make their list. His most serious loves – prior to me – were his fiancee, who you knew in high school, and his first wife. Both of these women cheated on him, and the demise of his first marriage almost finished him off. 

He is intelligent, well-read, and has an amazingly eclectic set of skills. Sometimes his work obsesses him, and he expects his work to be not only supported, but also understood. He does not accept stereotypical gender roles, and would be horrified if I suggested that I felt that I needed to stay home and take care of him- we have a partnership. He put me through school, and then I put him through school. He is impatient with vanity, completely unconcerned with social status, and rejects any quest for material goods – a bigger house, a nicer car, expensive clothes, etc. I am glad that you have found someone new, and I hope you are able to give up this odd fantasy you have about J and settle in to a productive future. I thought that you had an affair with him because you found him attractive and interesting because he was so different from your life, but when you said that he was your soul mate and that you were both so much alike, I didn’t even know what to say. 

He is a good man who appears to have lied to you in a moment of extreme emotional weakness. I had been in recovery from breast cancer for 4 months, his dad had been dying for a year, and his daughter had been hospitalized 3 times in a little over a month, and was treated for a concussion 3 days before your affair started. He was not in his right mind. No matter what he said to you, you do not have a future with him even if I was out of the picture.


As I expected, I did not receive any response from her. I can only hope that she will at least think before she attempts to contact him again. My hard truth is that I have to start over AGAIN!


2 comments on “Hard Truths

  1. Or not. Sometimes we need to cut our losses to protect what’s left. Either way, it’s a hard decission.

  2. […] version of faith – devout and informed, bigoted and ignorant, fervent and hypocritical. The Jeff I have known for 32 years is spiritual in a broad sense, but when he graduated from high school, he rejected the rigidity of […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s