I finally decided that the Facebook friendship with the other woman was beyond weird. I really did not feel like I was torturing myself, but it did seem to be torturing M, and my therapist felt like it was VERY UNHEALTHY. I think I hesitated to unfriend her because it gave me access to her photos and history, and since I had so little tangible information and the story of the affair had changed so many times, it gave me a way to check a few details. It was not really that useful, however, and I realized that it was having a detrimental effect on my personality. During this time, I posted a lot of information about our activities – celebrations, trips, etc. While I would have done it anyway, I was actually feeling a little joy that it might hurt her. Once I realized how I was feeling, I followed by therapist’s advice and sent her the following message:
November 3, 2010
I have realized that it is probably not healthy for you and I to be Facebook friends. You are a beautiful woman and seem to have a good heart, so constant reminders of a mistake that you made when my items pop up on your news feed is probably not good for you, and while M and I have processed what happened between you and him, I do not need to see pieces of your life when we do not have a relationship and are not working to develop one. I am very sorry that your recent relationship did not work out, but I have confidence that the right person for you is just around the corner.
I received the following message in return:
November 4, 2010
You take care of yourself.
I think M breathed a sigh of relief, but I had saved everything that provided any information, and eventually went back and looked at it. I really hate it when information does not add up.